You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
