you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
