fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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