If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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