When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
