Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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