So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
