tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
