FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
