u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
