My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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