Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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