He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
