Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
