Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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