Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
