call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
