Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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