Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We need to get me chipped asap
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
