that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
