In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
