You just made me feel so damn special
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just cropdusted the office
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
