dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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