I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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