I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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