I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
