I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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