I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
