if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
