mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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