I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
