I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
