I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
