after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
