3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize