last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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