she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
