Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.

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(503): View more from Oregon

it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.

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(937): View more from Ohio

He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"

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(410): View more from Maryland

we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.

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(678): View more from Georgia

So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving

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(515): View more from Iowa

Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??

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(808): View more from Hawaii

What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you

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