I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
