Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
