Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up under a house in Key West
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
