so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
