I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
