can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
