I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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