there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
