i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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