How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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