I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
