I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
