At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
